I just turned off Saturday Night Live. I think it’s probably in the best interest of my blood pressure not to watch again until a few months after the election.

I kept watching through the debate parodies. They were unfair, but they were funny. I sat through the ‘Robert Smigel Cartoon’. Of course it was crap, but Robert Smigel is a filthy hippy and I have long since ceased to be surprised at the depths to which he will descend. What finally caused me to shut of the TV was the skit featuring ‘Queen Latifah’ as someone paid by the Bush campaign to bribe urban voters. Frankly, that goes past humorous and enters solidly into slander territory (or is it libel… I can never remember which is which).

The fact is, I know people who get their news from SNL’s Weekend Update - and surprisingly, you used to be able to do that. It used to be like the Daily Show used to be, the real story followed by a joke. Now they’ve abandoned all pretense of honesty. The producers of SNL want you to vote for John Kerry. Your enjoyment is at best a minor concern, as is the extent to which they will have to lie to achieve this goal.

And as long as I’m ranting, who the hell is ‘Queen’ Latifah? Queen of what? Just another talentless nobody who’s famous for being famous.

And as long as I’m as-long-as-I’m-ing, I hope Rodney Dangerfield’s family wasn’t watching. A funny tribute to a funny man would be a great thing. A stupid tribute to a funny man is an insult. I can do a better Dangerfield impression.

It’s interesting - SNL wasn’t always so liberal. I’m not saying anybody on the staff ever voted Republican, but back when Dennis Miller or Norm MacDonald were hosting Weekend Update the show was pretty much equal-opportunity with the criticism. And now, under Tina Fey, their ratings are in an upswing.

Tina Fey. Al Franken. John Stewart. All the popular comedians (comediennes) with a political agenda are liberals. Yet plenty of their fans aren’t at all liberal. I can come to only one conclusion: liberals are funny.

So I’m going to go find a pie and hit John Kerry in the face with it. If he minds, he’s not really a liberal, and his whole persona is a lie - so I won’t be able to vote for him. If he laughs it off, then he’s clearly as liberal as can be - so I won’t be able to vote for him.

And as a special added bonus, John Kerry will have pie all over his face. He’ll look really silly - so I won’t be able to vote for him.

I see no bad in this plan.